Scary CrackLand
by Charlett
Summary: Crack Stories ahoy! Mind your step as some can be TOO cracky for you!
1. CUTE CUTE CUTE

If you don't like Reiner... UGGGGG... Day 1's theme is cute. I put the cutest things ever in the same place at the same time. Usually this causes world implosion. Thank goodness Florian wasn't there either.

READ ON!

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Reiner was cute! Very cute! Absolutely adorable! As he skipped through the flowers, he picked a few, making a bouquet of five flowers of CUTE!

So Kawaii! He made them into a flower tiara! Cute cute cute! But now who to give it too? Barrelow X would laugh at him… Master Dist would kick him… but what about…?

"Ion!" Reiner turned his head all kawaii like and saw Ion, the Fon Master, also skipping through the flowers! But there behind him was Anise! So cute she was, skipping skipping with the kawaii Fon Master all adorably! It was SO CUTE having three CUTE people all conjoined at the same location it was almost too much to handle! But they were used to their cuteness so they weren't impaired by it, "Wait up, Ion!" Anise said, giggling.

Reiner rushed forward, "Anise! Fon Master!" He said, waving cutely cutie like. The two turned around and smiled at how kawaii he was, and he rushed right past the Guardian and held out his tiara, "I thought you'd like it, Fon Master!"

Ion looked at the flower tiara, and put it on his head, "How does it look?" He asked.

"So CUTE, Ion!" Anise said adorably!

"Let's make more flower jewelry!" Reiner said with a smile. The three children sat down in the field of flowers as cutely adorably and kawaii as possible, making jewelry made out of flowers.

It was the cutest day in history.

The End!

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WAII CUTEST EVER!!


	2. CROSSOVER TIME!

Second Day means it's time for CROSSOVERS! Lawls they're so easy to write goodly that's why everyone writes them hahahahaha!

Naw but seriously. If you want to see Part 2 (which has nothing to do with ToA, but is various crossovers), then head to my DA site. You'll be GLAD YOU DID.

Without further ado:

READ ON!

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One time the six saviors of Aulderant were chillin' together, kicking it around a campfire and teaching Anise about the wonders of tobacco and how cool it was to get cancer. Usually it happened in the lungs and mouth, but what a surprise if it ended up in the pancreas!

But then ZOMG a hole in the sky opened up and nine people fell out of it like WOAH and they landed on the six heroes and the cigarette and the lighter that Guy was holding, "WTF?" Lloyd shouted, standing up, "Where are we?"

"I don't know, Lloyd Sweety Darling!" Sheena said, throwing herself on him and snuggling him, "You go ahead and find out."

Everyone untangled themselves from each other, all except for Zelos, who had found some nice long hair and was rubbing his nose in it, "Mmm!" He said, "Such long, luscious hair! What a hunny you must be!"

"Get out of my hair," Jade said. The two looked at each other. They stared into each others' eyes. Then they promptly made out. Everyone shrugged and went to introduce each other. Falling into alternate worlds or not, it was just proper courtesy!

"So…" Luke said, "I'm Luke Fon Fabre… and you are…?"

"Lloyd Irving!" Lloyd said, finally glad that someone introduced himself FIRST. Saying that stupid "Gimme your name" was grating even on HIS nerves, "And these are my sexy as hell girlfriends, Colette and Sheena!"

"Hi!" They said at the same time. They glared at each other and leapt into a fight, ripping off each others' clothes and rolling about in the mud. All the men and some of the women whistled.

"And these are MY sexy as hell girlfriends, Tear and Natalia!" Luke replied after the girls finally stopped fighting and tried to reapply their ripped clothes.

"What about me, Luke Darling?" Anise asked, placing her hands on her dimples. Luke and Lloyd laughed.

"It's okay…" Genis said, patting Anise on the shoulder, "Everyone thinks I'M too shota to make out with Lloyd…" The two looked at each other, staring into each others' eyes, and promptly made out.

"What about you?" Guy asked Presea, resting his hands on his knees to get down on her level, "What's your name, Little One?"

"My name is Presea Combatir," Presea replied in a strictly formal and emotionless tone, "I am quite easily older than you, and therefore, am not a 'Little One' in a technical sense."

Guy blinked at the word "technical", because it had "tech" in it, "So… if you're really older… you don't have anyone like… trying to make out with you, right?"

"I really don't like touching men all that much…" Presea said in all honesty. Guy stared at the young woman, "What…?" She asked.

"That is, quite possibly, the sexiest thing a woman has ever said to me…" The Malkuth noble said, blinking. Presea and Guy went off to talk about their feelings while Luke and Lloyd bartered.

"I'll trade you Sheena for Tear."

"Yeah right! Natalia for Sheena!"

"Sheena is totally worth TWO Natalias!"

"How much am I worth, Lloyd?" Colette asked. Luke and Lloyd looked at her, and laughed.

"So wait… if you're a Duke… don't you have enough money for like, a huge bed or something?" Sheena asked. Everyone looked at her, eager for her to continue (because when the word BED was used, they immediately knew what was coming next) "Why don't we just have a sixsome?"

They liked the way Sheena thought! The six went off somewhere else, Colette asking Lloyd what Sheena meant. Regal turned his nose up as Jade and Zelos lost feeling in their legs and fell to the floor. How horrible these people have become!

"Well, it seems like we're the only ones sane here," Raine said, approaching El Presidente with Kratos on her heels.

"Seems that way," Kratos replied. The three stood in awkward silence, and Regal scratched the back of his head.

"Sooooo…" Raine said, rubbing her arm, "Wanna go find someone to have sex with?"

"YES!" They shouted. The three rushed off to find loved ones of their own.

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So everyone turned out to be happy. They all had kids if they could (aside from Guy, who never touched Presea) and everyone loved their partners very much. Until that fateful day when everyone got together to teach Anise's kids how cool it was to get cancer in the pancreas and a hole opened up in the sky, dragging the nine back from whence they came. Everyone got over their lost loves except for Jade, who cut himself.

Zelos did too.

It was angst filled and sad.

The End!

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Reviews make me heart life. Really


	3. EMO WANGST!

The third day is "ZOMG EMOWANGST", but I suck at it.

Who is it? Luke? Largo? Asch? YOU'LL NEVER KNOW! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

READ ON!

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There was much sadness in his heart. He was so sad, he sobbed tenderly to himself. Everything he had ever had was gone, and he wept bitterly.

There were times when he thought about death. What man wouldn't? He would hold the weapon to his chest, count to three… but would stop. As much as he hated life, he feared death more. All the pain in the world he could endure, but the thought of ending his miserable shell of a life struck him with such fear that he never raised a hand against himself. But he wished he could. Of all the things he should be brave about, it should be death…

He instead worked hard for his ideals. He would live and die for them. He was tormented on the inside; he fought for his past and the future that would never come about.

The worst part was, no one would ever know his name…

**The End!**


	4. GHEY PRONZ!

This is RATED OLDER TEEN. I REPEAT, RATED OLDER TEEN. Don't read unless you think you can stomach it. It's ghosting into Mature... but I don't think it actually reached it.

Anyway, today's theme is GHEY PRONZ

READ ON!

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It was a lazy, beautiful morning, as rays of Egyptian Gold sunlight drifted down over the pearly Spanish White cobblestones. Jade Curtiss walked along said Spanish White cobblestones, snappily dressed in his German Green suit that showed off his station of Malkuth Colonel. He needed to speak with His Majesty, Emperor Peony IX, as soon as possible.

Passing by the beautiful tapestries of Japanese Blue, he began to open the door to Peony's chamber when he heard the frightful cries of a young soldier. Was His Majesty in danger with only one guard for protection? Jade kicked into high gear, grabbing the Finnish Bronze doorknob and throwing it open. He gasped at what he saw in the Iraqi Cerulean room.

Emperor Peony IX was making sure the screaming soldier knew who was the emperor. By showing him. In said emperor's bed. Jade gasped as Peony suddenly looked up, Albanian Azure eyes staring widely at Russian Red, "What… the hell are you doing… Your Majesty…?"

"What does it look like?" Peony asked with a seductive smile. Jade blushed a deep Peruvian Crimson despite himself. He was NOT looking down at the huge member that the emperor possessed. Actually, he was, but Jade tried SO HARD to convince himself otherwise.

Peony dismissed the whimpering soldier, who dragged himself away, his pelvis utterly crushed and his face a Canadian Ashen Gray. Jade went to follow the soldier and drink himself into forgetting he ever saw that, but was stopped by a naked emperor who slammed the Iraqi Cerulean door shut, smiling intensely at the man with the Portuguese blonde hair, "Oh no," He said with a smile, "Noooot you."

"Your Majesty, what are you trying to…?" Jade was cut off with a PASSIONATE LIPLOCK that totally sent SPARKS through the colonel's brain. It was so HOT, and it was HOT because it was FORBIDDEN. Because gayness is SO FORBIDDEN IT'S HOT.

Jade flailed under Peony's LUSCIOUS Ethiopian Red lips, but soon found his will breaking, because it was faster that way. It took only a moment for Peony to remove Jade's German Green suit and British Black boots. The smell of the emperor's Mexican blonde hair covered in sweat and semen from his last sexual bout was absolutely euphoric, and Jade could not resist it when Peony thrust him on his bed, removing his gloves daintily while supping on his neck.

Such happenings happened, such that there were fireworks that seemed to be happening, seemingly increasing such as a huge balloon happened to expand. Jade was so happy, his mind was filled with happiness of happy moments. It was paradise, and all such happenings that seemed to happen was happy.

After Peony RAPED THE HELL out of his CLOSEST FRIEND, Jade stared with wide Russian Red eyes at the Albanian Blue eyes, "Damn, Peony," He said, all sense of formality forgotten, "You fuck like a TIGER…!"

Peony rolled off Jade as the man tried to cover up with the covers (but finding them covered in semen), and lit up, "Yeah," He said after exhaling a huge bout of smoke, "And you fuck like your sister." Jade took that as a compliment, and sighed happily, as he was in LOVE.

WITH HIS RAPIST.

WHAT THE HELL.

**THE END.**

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Review time!!**  
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	5. CROSSDRESSING!

Today's theme is CROSSDRESSING. WHOO who's it gunna be? Peony? Jade? Luke? Better yet, is the crossdressing going to make some SEXY YAOI PAIRING NYORON?

Maybe not.

Anyway, READ ON!

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"You have to…" Arietta the Wild said, crossing her arms, her friends adding extra intimidation by scowling from behind her. Largo the Black Lion wasn't fazed, "You HAVE to help me, Largo. You're the only one who will."

"Ask Dist. He enjoys that kind of stuff," Largo replied, flipping a page of his book. Arietta shook her head and squeezed her doll.

"No! Dist won't let me! He's always so mean and his assistant is too stupid!" Arietta said, making a face, "You have to do it! You HAVE to!"

Largo closed his book, as well at his eyes, "Just what are you planning, anyway?"

"I always styled Ion's hair, you know," Arietta said, placing her hands on her hips and GLARING at the Black Lion, "But it's been two years since I've done that and I need practice… you have to help me…

"I need you to be my model. Got that?"

Largo blinked at Arietta, "My hair won't help much. The Fon Master's hair is much longer than I, and I doubt you could even reach the top of my head."

Arietta flashed a rare smile, playing her doll by raising it up and down, "Oh, that's not the only thing I want to style…!" Largo blinked, and she sent her animals to fetch something for the God-General.

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Largo couldn't believe what was happening. He was dressed from head to foot in green frills, a dress that reached his ankles cut off air supply to his head (probably the only reason he wasn't tearing it off at the moment), and pretty silk gloves. Arietta gave a thoughtful "Hmm…" As she stared at the ribbons in his hair and beard, "No no no, it's all WRONG!" She said in a heated temper, walking down the stepladder she had to use to reach the top of the giant, "You don't look at ALL like Ion! No wonder it looks so terrible on you!"

Largo simply stared at her as she turned around and skulked off, her friends meandering behind her. She really, REALLY should have been more forceful when asking for Dist's assistance.

He probably looked so cute in a dress…

The End!

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WHOO REVIEW.


	6. REPLICACEST!

I bet you thought it'd be some sexy LukexAsch, huh? Well, you were WRONG AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!

Today's theme is REPLICACEST!

But it's not in the traditional sense...

...Just READ ON!

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"OMG!" Jade thought to himself as the Fomicry machine EXPLODED WHOO! He was trying to create a replica of himself. Why? Because he was a SEXY BEAST, and Aulderant needed MORE sexy beasts like him.

Duh.

But the machine exploded from the radiation of SEXINESS overpowering it. Jade was saddened to think that the most beautiful creature in the universe (besides him) had probably perished in the blast.

Except ZOMG it didn't! He saw a figure step out of the machine. It was amazing. Jade had never seen anything like it. Instead of the replica looking exactly like him, the replica had curvaceous hips and huge breasts that for some reason lifted themselves up as if she had a pushup bra. Even though she had nothing on.

Jade's replica was FEMALE, which could only mean one thing.

She was the sexiest FEMALE in the universe.

And that also meant something else. Jade sighed as he stood up and began to remove his uniform. Because of the fact that Jade was the sexiest male in the universe and this replica was the sexiest female in the universe, he was duty bound to make sure that the two of them had lots of sex to make the sexiest offspring in the universe. With those children's sexiness, they could easily become like, Nymphs or Sex Gods or something.

He sighed as he shed his cloths and mauled the replica. Sometimes duty was just SO annoying…

The End!

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OMG that was so sexy I bet you guys are going to give me TEN THOUSAND REVIEWS LOL!


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